look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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