And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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