During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
