hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize