Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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