she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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