new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
