worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
