you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
