I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
