Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
