I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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