bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
