I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
