I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
