I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
