I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
