Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
