I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
