life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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