I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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