should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I can't turn off my feet"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
