would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
