Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
