i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
