I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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