Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
