Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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