i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
