dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
