found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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