Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
