So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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