Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
