dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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