Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My vagina just recognized that song.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
