So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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