Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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