he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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