I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
