Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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