I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
