I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
