Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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