saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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