and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Randomize
