I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
