Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
