They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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