Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
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