he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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