He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
