the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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