is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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