I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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