I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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