Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
