Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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