1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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