Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
