it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
