38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
