Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
