Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
