He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
