; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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