can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
