xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize